Watch 'em all.

Entry Twenty

2008-09-16T23:17:00.004+01:00

Journey into Fear: Decent, though slightly derivative noir-thriller, co-scripted by star Joseph Cotten and (possibly) Orson Welles. The photography is the most notable thing about the movie, a beautifully expressive black and white that lends the movie some class.

Christmas in August: Similar in plot to the risible Love Story, but executed with a skill and tenderness that is missing in the American film, this features a dying man's tentative relationship with a regular customer and his doubts as they grow closer.

Among the Living: A b-noir, which is pretty routine except for the quality of the performances, in particular a young Susan Hayward as the coquettish girl who manipulates the simpler twin for her own ends. It ends abruptly and too conveniently, a problem often encountered in these types of films, and isn't really that engaging.

Kikujiro: A sublime Japanese comedy, starring and directed by Takeshi Kitano as a past his prime Yakuza ordered by his wife to take a lonely boy to his estranged mother. What follows is a road trip that is both beguiling and hilarious, with the (exceedingly) abrasive Kitano's experiences with "normal" people providing much of the humour. In short, wonderful.

Brother: Another Takeshi Kitano film, this one far different in tone, and his first American production. Kitano's impassive face works perfectly here, as a Yakuza exiled from Japan and setting up home with his brother and building a gang of his own in LA. Omar Epps provides good support, and its matter-of-fact violence is countered by it's melancholy tone.

Entry Nineteen

2008-09-15T02:20:00.004+01:00

Howl's Moving Castle: A fine fantasy film, full of wonderful ideas and characters. Miyazaki's ability to meld realism with the fantastic is unsurpassed, and there are plenty of memorable moments in the movie, enhanced by the terrific animation.

Tropic Thunder: The all-star cast is hit and miss, but there are plenty of laughs to be had anyway. Tom Cruise is particularly brilliant as the aggressive studio head, and the looks at other films in the "actor'" catalogues are inspired, especially Simple Jack and Satan's Alley.

You Don't Mess with the Zohan: What I thought would be an excruciating 2 hours of non-comedy turns about to be a decent movie with a performance from Sandler that isn't as annoying as his turns in say, The Waterboy or Little Nicky. The chronically unfunny Rob Schneider is given too much screen time though, and a lot of the laughs fall flat, but it's not too bad overall.

Big Doll House: Typical women-in-prison movie, full of the usual cliches found within the genre: lesbianism, misogyny, and oodles of sadism. Just like the other movies, these elements don't necessarily comprise a good movie, and though it has its moments - Pam Grier and Roberta Collins are both attractive and interesting to watch - it's a little dull and isn't quite silly enough to entertain.

Sisters: I've never particularly enjoyed Brian de Palma films, but this one isn't too bad, and is only let down by it's final 15 minutes, which is so completely over-the-top that it took me out of the movie into "what the hell?" territory. Margot Kidder is good as the seemingly innocent french-Canadian model, but Jennifer Salt is better as the small-time reporter who's convinced she's seen a murder in Kidder's apartment. All the de Palma trappings are in place too, with a heavy borrowing of Hitchcock, the same leering camera, and a complete lack of empathy for any of the characters.

The Reluctant Dragon: Technically Disney's first live-action movie, it's basically a fictional tour of the Disney studios of the early 1940s, with a bumbling guide in the form of Robert Benchley as he attempts to sell the children's book of the Reluctant Dragon to Walt Disney. It features some fascinating footage of how writers and animators work, what equipment they employ and what goes into the making of a cartoon. I thought it was pretty great, but the final cartoon - a 20 minute adaption of The Reluctant Dragon - was a little weak, and fizzles the movie out slightly. Look out for future tough guy Alan Ladd as a Disney animator pitching a story.

Entry Eighteen

2008-09-13T04:02:00.005+01:00

Tales of Earthsea: Hayao Miyazaki's son, Goro, takes the helm for this adaptation of Ursula K. Le Guin's fantasy novel. It's not as disastrous as I'd been first led to believe, and while it may not be in the same class as his father's work, it still demonstrates the considerable skill of studio Ghibli in its ability to render realistic characters and environments, despite working in the oft-overlooked fantasy genre. The big downside for me was a rather horrible drawn out ending and the underwhelming nemesis that accompanied it.

Pom Poko: Also known as the Raccoon War. Another studio ghibli film, a bizarre, yet frequently delightful and alternately sober look at a group of raccoons' attempts to stop human encroachment into their forest. It's wonderful, accomplishing humour, pathos, and wonder in all the same movie. It's the sort of thing Disney would screw up completely and ham-handedly, but Ghibli excels in.

Dead or Alive: Final: The last film in Miike's loosely connected trilogy is his weakest, but isn't a bad film by any means, it just doesn't match the absurd delights of its predecessors. Your opinion of Miike's films may depend on whether you can stand his blatant weirdness and sometimes shocking gratuity, but I admit to frequently loving his work.

Million Dollar Duck: A routine Disney live action movie, enlightened by the charming presence of Sandy Duncan (too young to play opposite Dean Jones, though), who reminds me a little of Amy Adams in the wide-eyed innocence she can bring to the screen. The movie's a little tiresome and becomes downright boring towards the "wacky" end chase sequence.

Soldier Girls: A brilliant Nick Broomfield documentary, looking at a group of women undergoing basic training for the US army in 1980. Surprisingly candid, and shot through with great characters, it's a real eye opener on how "normal" people prepare to become killers. The DVD also features a couple of "where are they now" interviews, and give much needed happy endings to the troubled character of the Staff Seargeant, who's eloquence at the end of the movie dispels the myth of the glory of battle.

Tarzan and the Leopard Woman: Not actually featuring a Leopard Woman (but plenty of men dressed in leopard skins) this banal Tarzan movie is enough to turn anyone off the popular 40s franchise. A pity, then, that this is my first.

Entry Seventeen

2008-09-12T14:59:00.002+01:00

Rocknrolla: The first Guy Ritchie film I've liked, and I liked it a lot. Funny, though a little shaggy plotwise, this is a good lads movie, with a fine ensemble cast who seem to be having just as much fun as the audience.

The Atomic Submarine: Trashy sci-fi movie (surprisingly put out by the usually respectable Criterion) about a subamrine who encounters an alien spaceship under the ice of the antarctic. It features some nonsensical melodrama between crewmates at the beginning which is dropped once the plot kicks in and is never really mentioned again, and though it has some nice design aspects, it's terribly generic.

Whisper of the Heart: Utterly wonderful studio Ghibli movie about a teenage girl who becomes interested in a boy's name which keeps reoccuring in the numerous books she takes out at the library. It's a beautifully understated look at the relationships between teenagers with a slightly magical air to the whole proceedings and I couldn't recommend it high enough.

On Any Sunday: Documentary about the sports around the world involving bike-riding. That's basically it, though it certainly approaches the subject with an obvious passion for the whole thing, and features some really nice photography. It's a little wearing though, and the monotone narration doesn't help.

Phantom from Space: Unremitting dreck from the 50s, where a film was made based on its poster and its title. A couple of the special effects are decent, but otherwise it's an awful trudge through the dregs of science fiction.

Entry Sixteen

2008-09-07T02:15:00.005+01:00

Tell Me Something: The only thing remarkable about this Korean cop drama is how routine it is. No cliche is left unturned as the cop tries to protect a mysterious victim from a mysterious killer. The ending is silly, too.

Drugstore Cowboy: A fine drama, with a superb central performance from Matt Dillon as the pharmacy robber.

American Ninja 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5: All pretty similar, with a wooden lead (Michael Dudikoff and then David Bradley) facing ridiculous villains. 5 is my favourite, as it's easily the worst, and by turns, best, involving ninja magic and a villain dressed as a failed superhero.

Wasp Woman: Familiar Corman trash, along the lines of the similar Leech Woman, probably made in about 3 days. Depending on your taste for bad movies, it's either wonderfully bad, or just plain bad.

The Strangers: This attempt to tap into the 70s strain of horror movies works quite well, and the director manages to build tension effectively and often. The problem I had is that though it's supposedly based on a true story, the characters behave is contradictory and "horror movie" stupid ways, emphasising the artifice of the entire thing. Another crappy ending, too.

The Boy in Striped Pyjamas: Never the cheeriest of genres, this holocaust drama takes a different perspective in the form of the son of the camp's commandant. The two young leads are good, and the script's tendency to treat them like actual kids is quite refreshing in the age of preternaturally wise youngsters. I'm not sure the end works properly, but it's very effective in displaying the hopelessness and horror of the interned Jews.

Entry Fifteen

2008-09-07T01:49:00.002+01:00

Island of Death: A rare video nasty from England, and as such lends a legitmately creepier air to the movie, though it doesn't make it good. The location work is nice and the main couple are decent, but it doesn't seem to have much of a point besides the torture of innocent people.

America 3000: Ridiculous sci-fi movie, which is so silly, that it actually becomes entertaining. Lots of naive suppositions about the future, and the 80s fashion manages to last almost 1000 years. Pretty fun!

Crimson Kimono: Samuel Fuller thriller which changes tack mid-way through to concentrate on the burgeoning relationship between the 3 protagonists and finally emerges as an attempt to explore the nature of interracial relationships.

City that Never Sleeps: A decent film noir, which is enhanced through its use of authentic locations and some naturalistic performances. It's a little odd at the end, where it goes a little metaphysical, but it isn't bad.

Invisible Boy: A typical sci-fi effort from the 50s, though it's odd balance between comedy and sci-fi frequently falters, and completely abandons that balance for a straight thriller toward the end. It fails at both, with the main child protagonist being annoying in the extreme and the thriller elements failing to engage or excite.

Trapeze: Burt Lancaster and Gina Lollobrigida offer good value in this otherwise dull effort, and some of the stunt work is impressive, but it's too bland to recommend.

Porco Rosso: Miyazaki's attempt at a cartoon for adults is pretty good, though not the uproarious fun I was hoping. However, it is frequently impressive, with some beautiful animation work and a fine voice cast.

Nausicaa: Valley of the Wind: A tremendous animated feature from studio Ghibli, it's themes echo that of the later Princess Mononoke, but I feel this a superior effort, creating empathetic characters and a believable world, without sacrificing coherency or plot integrity.

Quick Note for Future Posts.

2008-08-28T04:21:00.003+01:00

Writing out synopses is boring. From now on, I'll include a link to the film I've seen and if you want to know what it's about, follow it. :)

Entry Fourteen

2008-08-26T14:52:00.001+01:00

Fierce Creatures: A follow up to the hilarious A Fish Called Wanda, starring and made by the same cast and crew. A multi-national corporation takes over the running of the zoo, and instructs the existing managers and keepers that they must make a 20% profit or the zoo will be sold. While it's nowhere near as good as their previous effort, it does have some inspired moments, usually featuring the ever reliable John Cleese.

A Fistful of Dynamite: Slightly rambling, but thoroughly entertaining western about two men who are drawn into the mexican civil war. Directed by perfectionist Sergio Leone, it frequently looks spectacular with a couple of standout set-pieces, such as an assault on a bridge or the round-up of suspected insurrectionists. James Coburn and Rod Steiger are decent as the leads, though struggle a little with their accents, but it's a pleasing couple of hours.

How to Get the Man's Foot Outta Yer Ass: Also known as the slightly simpler 'Badasssss', this is Mario Van Peebles biopic of his own father's making of the seminal Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song, which opened the door to the blaxploitation sub-genre and the idea of black actors being film leads. It's an interesting dynamic, further enhanced by the scenes involving Melvin and his son, Mario. It seems fairly faithful, and with a good cast, it's a fascinating documentation of a important film.

The Green Slime: This Sci-Fi flick is very silly, practically incompetent, but it's fun nonetheless. A meteor that's on a collision course towards earth is blown up but a mysterious slime is transported onto a space station which grows into green monsters and attacks the inhabitants. Directed by Kinji Fukasaka of Battle Royale fame, it's a standard cheapie from Japan, only notable for its English speaking cast.

Green Light: 30s melodrama starring Errol Flynn as a doctor who covers for a friend when their patient dies, only to fall in love with the deceased woman's daughter, who harbours a hate against the man who supposedly killed her mother, who unknowingly falls in love with him. I hope that makes sense. It's not bad, as these things go, with a surprisingly good performance from Flynn.

The Search: Powerful drama about children returning from internment camps after the end of the second World War. One boy, after years of abuse and neglect, is mistrustful of the American authorities trying to relocate his parents and runs away, he eventually bonds with an American GI (Montgomery Clift in his first screen appearance) who teaches the boy English. Filmed in 1948 in Germany, it has the ring of authenticity that matches the naturalistic performances from the children.

Pigs: Also known as Daddy's Deadly Darling, this 70s horror movie is total crap. A woman arrives in a small town and is employed as a bartender. The owner of the bar is a crazy person, who keeps deadly pigs and is suspected of feeding them human corpses. The woman is hiding a secret, and improbably, the two bond, much to the mutual discomfort of the local townsfolk. The twists are obvious, most of the performances are appalling, and technically, it's cheap and amateurish.

Entry Thirteen

2008-08-22T04:09:00.001+01:00

Robot Jox: Crazy 80s movie about a future world where war is banned (!) and conflicts are decided by a one on one contest between giant robots. An evil commie robot is battling a heroic American one for the rights to oil-rich Alaska, but an accident causes huge damage and sets up a climactic (and nicely handled) final show down. It's really very silly, but not unenjoyable with the effects - stop motion for the robots, rather than men in big suits - doing a decent job conveying the action.

The Strong Man: A silent comedy starring Harry Langdon. It's my first Langdon film, and while he may look a little like the silent partner in Penn and Teller, his act is purely Chaplin. It's also inferior Chaplin, with only the explosive finale raising any laughs.

The Heroes of Telemark: Bland war film about the Norweigan resistance movement during the second world war. It has a standout sequence in the middle where the resistance group silently infiltrate a Nazi factory, but can't follow it up physically or emotionally.

The Lusty Men: An excellent drama starring Robert Mitchum as a washed-up rodeo rider who helps an amateur in the rodeo circuit to buy a farm for he and his wife. It's pretty low-key, but assumes a convincing naturalism reflected in the excellent performances from Mitchum and Jane Wyman.

Gentleman's Agreement: 1940s drama starring Gregory Peck as a journalist who reluctantly investigates anti-semitism for a magazine by going "undercover" as a Jew and discovers the seething cauldron of hate or indifference to Jews. It's brave (for its time) but very didactic, and as such, comes off as little more than a slightly tedious lecture in How To Behave.

Driving Miss Daisy: Two excellent performances from Morgan Freeman and Jessica Tandy make this 80s drama stand out. Tandy plays an elderly woman who after a minor accident isn't allowed to drive anymore, while Freeman plays the chaffeur who has to drive her around. Taking place over 25 years, the film charts their growing friendship, while using the times the movie is set in to frame their relationship in larger terms.

Entry Twelve

2008-08-20T19:08:00.000+01:00

The Creature Walks Among Us: Third and final "Gill Man" film, which began with The Creature from the Black Lagoon. Here, the Gill Man is captured by biologists but is badly burnt in the process. which leads the Gill Man to change slowly into a land animal, though he's caged in a compound for further study. It's odd that most of the drama hardly involves him, rather in how the creature shouold be treated, and making thin parallels between the creatures "humanity" as opposed to man's "inhumanity". It was done before, and better, in the Universal Frankenstein movies.

Ugly Duckling and Me: A European animated movie that utilizes third-rate Pixar creations in a retelling of Hans Christian Andersen's story. Ratso (a rat, surprisingly) is a wannabe theatrical promoter who wants to use the Ugly Duckling in a freak show act. It's limited budget shows in the rather bland visuals, and the limited talent shows in the lack of laughs in the script. Kids might be entertained, but adults won't be.

The Incredible Pertrified World: Really lame Sci-fi movie about a group of deep sea divers who get trapped in an experimental diving bell deep under the sea. Managing to escape into some nearby caves - conveniently ignoring the pressure of the ocean, though the movie comments on it - they discover a whole network of caves and wander around in for a bit, then they get out and then the movie ends. Basically nothing happens, and when it does, it happens very slowly, making even the hour of movie onscreen seem thing. In a word: rubbish.

Vampire Diary: An English horror movie filmed in the style of the Blair Witch Project, with two women relentlessly recording their lives. They fall in love, but one's a vampire, and begins to feed on her friends, and things become more and more desperate. It's pretty bad, and the choice of the Blair Witch style becomes sporadically absurd, with silly reasons for the camera to be kept on. The two female leads are decent, but have to choke down some seriously awful dialogue.

The Last Days of Pompeii: A blacksmith who loses his family to financial circumstance becomes a cold-hearted gladiator, reasoning that money is the only thing that makes a man matter. His belief is shaken by the adoption a boy of a man he kills in the arena, and his meeting with Jesus. It all ends in a (literally) explosive climax, when disaster strikes the Roman city. It's pretty bland stuff, only enlivened with the brief fight scenes and the ending. The rest is dull moralising.

Entry Eleven

2008-08-17T03:50:00.001+01:00

The Assassination Bureau: Pretty dry attempt at mixing black comedy and action in this 60s movie, starring the reliable Oliver Reed and Diana Rigg. Set just before World War I, Rigg plays a woman desperate to become a respected journalist, and who manages to track down the leader of an international syndicate of assassins, headed by Oliver Reed. When she hires his firm to assassinate him, he accepts and tells his colleagues that unless they kill him, he will kill them. This leads them on a chase through Europe as both parties try to kill one another. Despite the game performances from the two leads, this is predictable, and at times, dull stuff, with Rigg almost disappearing in the final 20 minutes for Reed to deal with the bad guys on his own.

Volver: Pedro Almodovar's latest film revolves around a family of women, headed by Penelope Cruz as a newly single mother trying to start a new business while dealing with her past. It's engaging stuff, with Cruz radiant in a role that the camera positively leers at, with shots of her bountiful cleavage the norm. And despite the inherent darkness in the plot, there's a light and airy feeling to the movie, which seems to alleviate the the whole proceedings. Cruz can sing, too.

Career Girls: British film about two women who meet again 6 years after they parted from University and the film flashes back between their present day reunion and their lives together previously. I enjoyed the film, and while I thought the performances were on the whole, good, felt that that the portrayal of the women as students was a little too eccentric, and slightly hard to reconcile with their slightly more mature counterparts. It's a film of decided warmth though, and has some very funny moments. The DVD also contains a short film by director Mike Leigh, Short & Curlies, starring David Thewlis as a man who seems to be only able to communicate by jokes, and his relationship with a Pharmacy countergirl. It's quirky, though probably not to everyone's taste.

Thief of Bagdad: Tremendous Arabian adventure movie from the 30s in glorious technicolor. A prince who's overthrown by his evil vizier meets a thief in jail (played by Sabu) and they escape to Basra where the prince falls in love with the princess, only to be blinded by the vizier who has come to claim the princess' hand. He and thief (who has been turned into a dog) then set about finding the princess, which takes them on a series of mystical adventures, and features some fine special effects, some 20 years before Ray Harryhausen delighted audiences with them. The photography is superb, and though the film took over 2 years to make and involved 6 directors, suprisingly coherent. It's a perfect escapism film, and shows just what the British film industry could do and it's zenith.

Get Smart: This updated version of the noted 60s series is funny and entertaining, and rests entirely on the back of the considerable talents of Steve Carell. When the entire roster of Control's agents' identities have become known, it falls upon former Control analyst Max Smart and recently returned Agent 99 to discover what their mortal enemies, Kaos, are up to. Despite it's lull into sub-Bond action towards the end, there are some genuinely hilarious moments in the movie (such as Smart's attempts to free himself using his Swiss Army Knife Crossbow attachment), and Anne Hathaway, Dwayne Johnson, and Alan Arkin all provide able support.

Entry Ten

2008-08-15T17:15:00.000+01:00

The President's Analyst: Odd 70s comedy starring James Coburn as a psychiatrist who's brought in to help unburden the president but finds himself the victim of several foreign agencies' attempts to kidnap him in order to learn what he knows. It may start off relatively straight, but soon takes a turn into the truly strange with the involvement of the bantering spies and the sinister Phone Company. It's pretty good, though probably not to everyone's taste, and features a nice performance from Coburn.

Anaconda 3: A Sci-Fi original movie displaying no originality and precious little else. A big snake, which has been drugged to find a cure for cancer, but ends up growing larger with a horn on its tail (I'm not making this up) escapes when someone shines a light on its tank and makes it angry. It escapes, and then another snake, in the relatively human form of David Hasslehoff, tracks it down. It may have some kitsch value for bad-movie fans, but it's too new and lacking in charm for me to enjoy it that way.

My Neighbor Totoro: Absolutely wonderful Japanese animation film from the masterful Hayao Miyazaki. The story is simple: a family moves to the country and the two daughters encounter the spirits of the forest. What's missing from that sentence is the charm, originality, and tenderness (though without any of Disney's sometimes overbearing sentimentality) that the director employs. It's the sort of film that kids and adults will love.

The Parallax View: Interesting, and at times very tense, mid 70s thriller starring the permanently bemused Warren Beatty as a journalist trying to piece together the mystery of an assassination of a presidential candidate. I'm not really a big fan of Beatty, so I wasn't entirely keen on watching the movie, but it eventually won me over in it's chilly depiction of an unfathomable conspiracy and an investigation that reveals only questions. I'm still unchanged on my opinion of Beatty, though.

Change of Heart: Bland melodrama from the 30s about a group of young hopefuls who go to New York to seek their fortune. Ginger Rogers co-stars, and she's the highlight, but her brassy performance is pushed to the side to make way for the interminable mooning of the main characters' and their dull romance.

Entry Nine

2008-08-15T00:10:00.001+01:00

Miss Pettigrew Lives: Marvellous period comedy starring Frances McDormand and Amy Adams. McDormand plays a British governess in London on the brink of World War II who lies her way into a job with Amy Adams' aspiring actress, who proceeds to disrupt Miss Pettigrew's expectations throughout the course of an entire day. Of course, there's a terrific pair of performances from the lead actresses, McDormand is alternately confounded and cunning in equal measure, and Adams is postively effervescent as the ditzy, but sensitive actress. It's a really beautiful little film, that should deserve more notice than it's received.

The Waterhorse: A fine children's film, that while perhaps may not have much going for it on the surface is carried through with some fine performances and a nicely judged balance of tone that will appeal to adults too. Angus is the son of a Lord's housekeeper during World War II and has recently lost his father in the conflict. Wiling his ways on the beach, he discovers a mystical egg that hatches and reveals the titular Waterhorse, whom Angus begins to take care of while trying to keep it secret from his mother and the local army garrison billeted at the house. I didn't like the ending, which was little too much of a downer, but it's resistance of a superficial "cuteness" and "modernity" that would annoy is admirable.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Pretty decent romantic comedy with a TV show music composer hilariously breaking up with his girlfriend, but while on holiday to get over her, finds that she is visting the same resort with her new boyfriend. Jason Segel writes and stars, and is very good (and brave) with the funny and the Puppet Vampire Musical he devises in the movie is something I'd pay to watch. Also, it stars the very pretty Mila Kunis and Kristen Bell, and the best scene involves both of them, as they lampoon Bell's previous IRL movie Pulse.

Brute Force: Tough crime drama starring the newly minted star of the mid-40s, Burt Lancaster as an inmate who desperately wants to escape so his fiancee will have the operation she needs to save her life. The movie pits him against the cruelty of the Captain of the guard, Munzie (Hume Cronyn in fine, lizard-like, form). There's some unnecessary flash-back sequences, which dispels some of the atmosphere, but it's pretty good, nonetheless.

Silent Night, Deadly Night: Terrible horror movie, which is actually unintentionally funny in places, as a boy grows up in fear of Santa and when he's forced to don the Father Christmas outfit, begins to kill people he determines are "naughty". Its first half-hour is an attempt to make the subject matter serious, detailing the boy's origin and his tragic background, but in the end, it really all boils down to a psycho in a Santa suit murdering nubile young teens.

Entry Eight.

2008-08-08T04:43:00.000+01:00

Go Fish: Mid 90's lesbian comedy/drama that has a suitable look for it's low budget roots, and boasts an earnest interest in "what lesbians really think about", but is far too interested in its own navel gazing to entertain. Max is in a 10 month dry spell when she meets Eli, whose been in a relationship for 3 years, but only seen her girlfriend twice during that period. They meet, and they seem interested in each other, but can they overcome their respective hang-ups to make the connection? Sure they do, and there's a few nice scenes involving their tentative attempts at beginning a relationship, but it's interspersed with some truly awful philosophical rumblings with some dire performances from a mostly amateur cast.

Love on the Side: Predictable, but pleasant nonetheless, this romantic comedy stars Marla Sokoloff as an overweight(!) waitress who dreams of becoming an artist and hooking up with the town stud when a beautiful woman from out of town arrives and shows a romantic interest in her. While there's some nice comedy to be mined from the awkwardness, all the complications that might arise from such a situation are readily glossed over and turned into a more palatable plot for mainstream audiences. It also has some silly plot contrivances that make sure everybody ends up happy and in love.

Charge of the Light Brigade: 30's action/drama starring Errol Flynn as the man in charge of that fateful military assault where a bunch of light cavalry charged against Russian guns during the Crimean War. It's complete historical nonsense, of course, with everything given a "motivation" other than War, and there's some eyeball rollingly stupid melodrama involing Flynn, his fiancee and his brother. The action is nicely handled, but when you learn that almost 200 horses died during the making of the movie, it's a little tainted.

The Ballad of Josie: Tired western comedy with Doris Day as a recent widower trying to make a go of it on her own with a ranch and finding that the men won't let her. I suspect the movie would be hugely inoffensive if it weren't so unmemorable, with the main point of the movie seeming to be "women are only independent when they can't find a man, but when they do, they'll give up everything, even their rights!" And Day's buffoonery just doesn't have the charm of her earlier films.

This Kiss: Australian drama about two high school friends who reunite with each other after 15 years after an incident which tore them apart (hint: it's in the title). It has the look of an amateur film, with a cheap camera and some naive mistakes from the director, but the performances are good, and it's pretty short (a plus when it comes to watching every film ever made).

Entry Seven

2008-08-02T04:05:00.001+01:00

Common Law Cabin & Good Morning...and Goodbye: I'm rating these together as they're much of the same. Both are directed by Russ Meyer, and feature the beautiful and vicious Alaina Capri in the leads. Common Law Cabin centres on a group of people who clash when they visit a "special attraction" in the middle of nowhere, while Good Morning is about a couple who's failure together in the bedroom has led the wife to seek comfort elsewhere, leaving her cuckolded husband at home. Good Morning is the best of the two, featuring some genuinely witty dialogue, though gets a little strange with the feline/mystic/witch woman who gives the husband back his mojo. Common Law Cabin has some interesting stuff between the father and daughter (however creepy) but its lack of humour is its downfall, and becomes a little tiresome after a while.

The Alien Factor: This one falls into the "so bad it's good" category. Obviously a home town, amateur effort, this concerns a beast from outer space ripping inhabitants of a small town in the US to shreds while the police force and a mysterious man from out of town investigate. It's unremittingly awful, with incompetence abounding on all fronts. However, it's extremely funny too, with absurd line-readings, a silly, moralistic ending, and truly diabolical special effects adding to the fun.

Stranger on the Third Floor: Peter Lorre may only be a bit-part player in this 1940 quickie, but he's clearly the star, walking away with the picture from it's slightly bland lead. John McGuire plays a ruthless reporter, whose newly found career success hinges on his testimony at a murder trial, effectively convicting the man on a paucity of evidence. The doubts about his case assail him until a chance meeting with Lorre convinces him that he's put the wrong man in jail, but when his next door neighbour dies, he's also a suspect for both killings. It's an interesting little film, with even some allusions to Kafka's The Trial in McGuire's paranoia-induced dream sequences, and as mentioned previously, Lorre is superb, and in just one major scene convinces as a psychotic, child-like killer. It wraps itself up too neatly, but that's perhaps a by-product of the pre-noir era.

Anna Christie: Greta Garbo's first talkie in 1930 was based on a play by Eugene O'Neill, and features a great performance from the lead as a battered prostitute reuniting with her father since she was a girl and finding new love. I found the supporting characters a little too much, taking some of the focus away from Garbo, and the central drama doesn't perhaps convince as totally as it did on release, but it's a decent film, nonetheless. It was also filmed concurrently in German, and I'll be seeing that version soon enough.

The Anniversary: Bette Davis is at her caustic best/worst as a harridan of a mother who delights in controlling her hapless sons and torturing the women who they've chosen to marry. One the anniversary of her wedding, her sons come home for a dinner party, though the youngest has brought a prospective bride home too, determined that he'll not suffer his mother's comments again, though of course, he does, and more too, as she plays games with her charges as easily as a cat would with a mouse. And Davis is great here, though perhaps only playing a less maniacal version of her Baby Jane character, she utterly commands the movie and as such, we even root for her a little, even while she destroys the lives of her children with a smile on her face.

Entry Six

2008-07-31T00:35:00.000+01:00

Bee Movie: Starring the voice and co-scripted by Jerry Seinfeld, this is just as wacky as you'd expect. Seinfeld voices Barry B. Benson, a recently graduated worker bee who's not too keen on working at one job until he dies, on in inaugural trip outside his hive, he is saved by a human from being squashed and decides to reveal to her that he can speak (breaking the prime rule amongst bees), before joining forces with her in a lawsuit against the honey industry, claiming that they're stealing what honest bees work for their entire life. It's all over the place, plot-wise, but I loved it. It's consistently hilarious throughout, and fans of Seinfeld's previous work should definitely get a kick out of it, with a suitably loopy performance from Renee Zellweger as a human and Barry's potential love interest(!).

The West Point Story: Hugely disappointing musical, considering the cast on offer. James Cagney stars as a washed-up theatre director, who is given one last chance by helping the cadets at West Point put on a good show and get the lead singer (Gordon MacRae) to quit the academy in favour of showbiz. Doris Day, Gene Nelson, and Virgina Mayo provide good support, but it doesn't really come together very well, with silly contrivances to keep the plot working properly. There's only a couple of decent songs, and since when did a musical in 1950 get made in black and white?

Cherry, Harry & Raquel!: This 1970 drama from Russ Meyer isn't as good as his best films, but does have its moments. Harry is a corrupt sheriff, helping a local drug dealer for money so he can pay for his silver mine. Cherry is a prostitute caught between them, and Raquel is Harry's girlfriend, though both are very highly sexed. The druglord tells Harry to take out a business partner he suspects of cheating, but his attempts only bring the victim closer and closer to killing Harry, leading to a climactic shoot-out at a deserted homestead. The problem with the movie is its inconsistency of tone, and could've probably been better as a straight comedy or drama, but n trying for both, Meyer fails. As usual, the women are very attractive, but Charles Napier is the standout, in a grizzled performance as Harry.

Heidi: Shirley Temple stars in this adaptation of the popular novel. She plays the titular Heidi, an orphaned girl who is sent to her Grandfather after the death of her parents, but is kidnapped and placed as a "playmate" for a crippled wealthy girl. It's decent stuff, with admirable support from reliable supporting players, though if you're not a fan of Temple, this is unlikely to convert you.

The Time Travelers: This 1964 sci-fi film has a decent premise (which was blatantly stolen in the inferior Journey to the Center of Time): scientists experimenting with time travel are trapped in a future where humanity has been all but wiped out, leaving only barbaric mutants and the last vestiges of civilized humanity desperately trying to escape to a different, inhabitable planet. It's pretty well handled for a low-budget Sci-Fi movie from the 60s, with only its insistence on lousy humour marring the overall product.

The Plainsman: A Cecil B DeMille western epic about the "lives" of Wild Bill Hicock and Buffalo Bill Cody. It's absolute rot, the lot of it, containing about as much veracity as Star Wars. Gary Cooper (who I've always though was over-rated) slouchs his way through the movie, while Jean Arthur is decent as Calamity Jane, but far too attractive for the role. It does have it's good moments - the Cheyenne attack on a military troop is pretty exciting, for 1936 - but they're few and far between in this 2 hour movie.

Entry Five

2008-07-28T01:25:00.000+01:00

One Fatal Hour: Short (56 minutes) melodrama starring Humphrey Bogart as a radio programmer who is forced by his boss to write a radio series about a lurid murder committed 20 years ago. The details of the murder threaten the stir up controversy for participants now contentedly married. It's not bad, but it's a bit of a smear job on the whole medium of Radio, which the studios might've seen as a threat around that time. Bogart is good in a rare early good-guy type. Also known as Two Against the World.

Cass: A British biopic about Cass Petersen, the first football hooligan to be jailed for a long term prison sentence. We first see Cass at 14, struggling to find a place as a young black teenager amongst the predominantly white (and pretty racist) London boroughs in the 1970s. Cass gets involved with West Ham's infamous Inter City Firm, hooligans who battle other team's fans. Growing up to be a leader of the firm, he finds himself caught between the love of his family and his perceived duty to the firm. It's well-worn territory, despite being based on a true story, but it has a good central performance that makes the cliched drama compelling.

Stowaway: 1936 comedy/drama vehicle for child superstar, Shirley Temple. She stars as "Ching-Ching" an orphaned girl who through circumstance finds herself on board a cruise liner. There she charms absolutely everyone, sings a few songs, and gets adopted by rich, adoring parents. Despite the slightly racist portrayal of the Chinese in the movie, it isn't bad, by Shirley Temple standards, at least.

Entry Four.

2008-07-26T03:21:00.000+01:00

Superhero Movie: The latest in the long line of cheap spoofs isn't as bad as, say, Meet the Spartans, but there's still little to recommend it. Rather than the scattershot approach that the Scary Movie franchise utilizes in its mocking of many movies, Superhero Movie goes for a sillier retread of Spider-Man, with a few token jokes at the expense of the X-Men. It's not very good, but has some spirited turns from the leads, and Sara Paxton really does do an excellent Kirsten Dunst impression, even if it's unintentional.

Sex and Fury: Sensational "Pinky Violence" samurai/revenge drama set at the turn of the 19th/20th century about a girl who witnesses her father's brutal murder and sets about seeking bloody retribution as an adult. It's full of great scenes that Tarantino would "pay homage" to in Kill Bill, but has a sense of style unrivalled by its American counterpart.

Girl Boss Guerilla: Another Japanese "Pinky Violence" movie, but this modern (made in 1972) gang tale about a group of biker girls who take over a larger gang in a strange city is neither as focused or as good as Sex and Fury. It's pretty ballsy though, with some brutal scenes of girls being generally kicked about by men and each other.

Entry Three.

2008-07-24T03:27:00.000+01:00

The Honeymoon Killers: A chilly account of the serial killers Raymond Fernandez and Martha Beck, who posing as siblings would con single women out of their money before dumping them or murdering them. This 1970 rendering may not be entirely accurate, but gets the tone right, assuming a semi-documentary look - with some fine use of black and white photography - and a couple of decent performances from the leads.

The Funhouse: Cliched trash from director Tobe Hooper (of Texas Chainsaw Massacre fame) about a group of teenagers who decide to stay overnight at a carnival funhouse only to witness a murder, and they in turn are hunted. From 1981, so perhaps its an earlier example of the slasher sub-genre of horror movie, but it's still pretty bad.

Brain Damage: Uneven horror-comedy by the mind that brought you Basket Case and Frankenhooker. A brain-eating, euphoria-inducing parasite latches itself onto an unsuspecting New Yorker, and has his life turned upside down because of it. Despite having a couple of nicely gruesome moments - fellatio as murder - the movie succeeds more as a comedy than a horror, with the Kelsey Grammer-like parasite laughing and crooning his way through his victims. Fun, but not really scary.

Entry Two.

2008-07-23T00:25:00.000+01:00

Forbidden Kingdom: Jackie Chan and Jet Li's first onscreen collaboration is a bit of a waste of both their talents, showcasing only a small amount of what they can do and doling out the rest of the action to undercooked peripheral characters. It's not a bad film in its own right, though, with a couple of set-pieces doing justice to the two legends - the fight between the two of them is short but memorable - and a young lead that isn't too annoying. It's a minor film, but a decent time waster.

The Man Who Laughs: Lavish adaptation of Victor Hugo's tragedy, with an impressive Conrad Veidt playing the man whose features have been mutilated into a rictus smile. He plies his trade as a clown, who though in love with a blind girl, is afraid to commit to her as he believes her blindness stops her from seeing his true self. Veidt wore a wire prosthetic that forced his mouth into a smile (the inspiration for DC Comics' Joker), but the rest of his face reveals the true sorrow within. It's a beautifully made film, and the lack of dialogue strangely works.

Masada: Originally screened as a 6 hour mini-series, this historical epic was edited to two hours and released theatrically (and was subsequently the lowest grossing movie of 1981 in the UK). The plot centres around the siege of the titular Masada fortress by a Roman Legion and defended by rebel Jews. Being edited into a third of its original screen time causes no end of problems, with aborted character arcs (and characters who just appear and disappear with no explanation) and a general inconsistency of pace, but it also betrays its TV roots with its lack of budget: the mentions of thousands of troops and slaves that never appear onscreen don't help, but it's bolstered by a haunted performance from Peter O'Toole and a satisfyingly anti-climactic ending.

Tommy: A collaboration between The Who and Ken Russell was never going to the most subtle of movies, but this one has to be seen to be believed. Tommy (Roger Daltry) is a deaf, dumb, and blind boy who lives with his mother (Ann-Margret) and conniving step-father (Oliver Reed) who discovers he has the ability to play pinball better than anyone else in the world, after being cured, Tommy starts up a religion based on freedom of thought and expression based around playing pinball(!) , though his step-father ruins everything by charging everyone extortionate prices for merchandise. The plot really isn't important, as most of the enjoyment comes from individual scenes and images - Tina Turner's 'Acid Queen' is perhaps the highlight - and from the soundtrack itself. It won't be for everyone, but if you like your films weird and wonderful, this one's for you.

Reform School Girls: Though it may sound like a bad porno film from the 80's, it is in fact, only a bad film from the 80s. The plot's in the title: some girls get sent to Reform School and are beaten and abused by the senior matron and her inmate lackeys. It's so resoundingly awful, that it actually slips into so-bad-its-good territory, with some quite unbelievably stupid moments, casting the 36 year-old Wendy Williams as a teenager is one, the silly over-the-top ending is another, but mostly the bad outweighs the good. It's something we've seen a hundred times before and in much better variations.

Entry One.

2008-07-21T02:55:00.000+01:00

Leatherheads: George Clooney's attempt at a modern update of the screwball classics of the 30s and 40s isn't as bad as I'd been led to believe. Clooney stars as 'Dodge' Connelly, an over-the-hill pro-football player, who, in trying to save his team from bankruptcy, enlists the services of war hero 'Bullet' Rutherford (John Kraskinski), while a sassy reporter (Renee Zellweger) is hot on his trails for a big story. It's pretty funny in places, and features good performances from the three leads, but it's more like Bull Durham than Bringing Up Baby. Whether that's a good thing is up to you.

The Seeker: The Dark is Rising: Abysmally dull fantasy, starring a whole lot of people who should probably know better. Will Stanton is a 13 year old American living with his recently emigrated family when he is told that he is the legendary "Seeker": a person who has the ability to see the signs so he can collect The Signs to help battle the forces of darkness. Accompanying him are some fabled "Old Ones" who don't really do anything apart from explain everything to death and get in the way a lot. The bad guy is even worse: the director could've looped one of Christopher Eccleston's lines ("Give me the Signs!") 50 or 60 times over and been finished with the actor in about 10 minutes.

Bright Eyes: Comedy drama from the 1930's starring the prolific youngster Shirley Temple, as a recently orphaned girl who is caught in a custody battle between a curmudgeonly uncle and her devoted God-Father. As with most of Temple's early films, your enjoyment will depend on how much you can take of her oh-so-cutesy performance. I find her kinda adorable, but wince whenever she breaks into song and her voice enters the "glass-breaking" vocal range.

Little Miss Marker: Another Temple film (she really was prolific in the 30s), though this one's a little better: buoyed by the presence of Adolphe Menjou as the grouch she charms into submission. Here, Temple plays a girl left orphaned by the suicide of her father, who has left her as a marker for a bet to the miserly Sorrowful Jones (Anime name alert!), played by Menjou. Initally bad tempered, with a few sweet words (and some hilariously unsweet ones) she wins him over and everything ends nicely.

Futuropolis: 40 minute animated sci-fi film from the 80s, which mixes traditional hand-drawn stuff with stop motion. 4 spacemen are sent out to investigate a series of galactic-wide disasters, which have resulted in the mutation of several species. With it's slightly crazed pace and non-sequitir humour, it at times resembles some of the more recent work of Robot Chicken, though it's more of a pastiche of old sci-fi serials than a mockery of them. I'd say at 40 minutes, the movie is slightly too long as the movie gets bogged down in unfunny and overlong sketches, but it's undeniably well made and features one or two laugh out loud moments.

Video Vixens: Pretty lame sex comedy from the 70s, where an insane TV executive, paranoid that the goverment is intentionally turning everyone gay, decides to put pornography on prime time TV. What follows is a patchy attempt at satire, where normal commercials are replaced by ones using explicit sexuality - i.e. Passion is the perfume rapists prefer! - and lousy punchlines. In the same mould as, but nowhere near as good as Russ Meyer's best films.

The Goal.

2008-07-21T02:44:00.000+01:00

It's really quite simple: I will watch every movie ever made.

An impossible, even ludricous, goal? Perhaps. But it won't stop me from trying. This blog is my attempt at keeping a living record of my deed, with some small, lousy reviews of the movies I've seen thrown in for good measure.

I'm already keeping somewhat of a log of the movies I've seen over at the (wonderful) imdb, and have decided make the list public. Feel free to laugh and point at my ridiculous taste here.